The Unloveliest Bride Made Lovely by the Love of the Greatest Lover

A dear friend wanted something to include in a congratulatory greeting to a loved one who is getting married. The loved one is in bondage to a legalistic cult, so I suggested that I might write an explanation of the last half of Ephesians 5 that would not only be helpful for the marriage, but might present Christ's love, life, death, and life again--all for the ungodly. Thinking that it might be of help to more than just this one couple, I include the note below.

If we want to be wise (v15) in evil days (v16), not foolish (v17) or out of control (v18a) but rather controlled by the Spirit (v18b), then that which most moves us should be God’s words (v19-20), to which we all submit when addressed by one another with them (v21).

This submission takes on a special form toward husbands (v21-33), parents (6:1-4), and bosses (6:5-9). This note is primarily concerned with what it looks like in marriage.

5:22 tells us the style of the submission and the object of the submission. Wives’ submission to their husbands is to be like their submission to Christ, because it is to be part of their submission to Christ.

This is why when a husband doesn’t turn out to be all you had hoped (1Pet 3:1), you can still submit (1Pet 3:1-4a), because your audience is God Himself (1Pet 3:4b). God never fails to be all you had hoped and more.

Marriage imitates the relationship between Jesus and the church (v23), and the wife must submit to Him who has taken her for His body and saved her.

Just like we don’t submit to Christ only in some areas, and refuse to obey Him in others, so also a husband’s authority over his wife applies to every part of life (v24). Do not withhold yourself from him and so corrupt the image that marriage is intended to be.

But, those who know the Lord Jesus much prefer to think upon Him, and what He is like, which makes studying the husband’s part (v25-33) much more pleasant to us.

Just as the good wife submits in all areas to her husband, the good husband expends his entire self for his wife (v25). He does not do this grudgingly or out of mere duty, but out of love. The command is not “give yourselves up for your wives,” although that is surely a part of it. It is “love your wives, as Christ loved the church”—and for that reason and in that way, give yourself up for her.

What is glorious is when we begin to think about for what kind of wife Christ did this. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom 5:8). While we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son (Rom 5:10).

In other words, although the husband of a good wife may expend himself for his wife as v25 commands, it is the husband of the treacherous and unworthy wife who has the best opportunity to fulfill the analogy. This banishes once and for all, all excuses of whether one’s wife “qualifies” for the kind of self-sacrifice that is commanded here.

But this is not a one-day, one-time self-giving merely to deliver His bride from peril. His aim is not merely at saving us from one peril; but rather, that He would make us completely perfect. He gives Himself up (v25) to claim the privilege of sanctifying us (v26a), using His Word constantly to bathe us until we are not just unspotted and wrinkle-free and unblemished (27b) but indeed splendid (27a).

Again, it is not merely the action (nourish) that is in view but the affection (cherish) that drives it (v29a). This is not only a to-do list for the husband, but a how-and-why-to-do list. Husbands shall love their wives (v28).

Why? What is at stake here? v32 lets us in on a startling mystery: Genesis 2:24 (Eph 5:31) is primarily about Christ and the church (cf. 29b-30). This is what is at stake in every husband’s conduct. This is what should be on display in every marriage.

Jesus gave Himself for an unlovely bride, not because she had potential, but because He intended to make Her lovely Himself. A godly husband is an illustration of the glorious gospel. And, having such an eternal husband as Christ enables every Christian wife to submit to her husband, whether he is worthy of it or not.